Steps: 23,176Last week, while dropping off Jax’s water sample to be tested for narcotics, Janie Bruckstarr stumbled upon this little gem out in Sunnyside. www.myspace.com/strayvintage (See, we do leave Astoria from time to time.) The shop’s called Stray…vintage and more, and it’s a spectacular find, as far as reasonably-priced vintage stores go. Janie brought home this cheery little drop-waist number for under $30, sending the rest of the AstoriaGirls all in a tizzy, so we schlepped it back up to Sunnyside to see what we could see. And we saw plenty. But, for all my unbridled enthusiasm, I’d forgotten how outrageously broke I was that week, and had to stop myself from purchasing half the jewelry counter. The place is sensibly priced, stocked full of authentic vintage items and some great consignment stuff too. I was about to leave with my proverbial tail between my legs, when Gwenny Deets struck up a conversation with the owner, Stray Dan, who happened to mention some nonsense about a Green Building warehouse down on Astoria Boulevard. My ears pricked up. You mean in the projects?! Dan agreed it was pretty far East. Now nothing excites me more than an excuse to go traipsing along the East River. Most people shy away from the likes of 3rd Street and beyond, but really, I'll use any excuse to go wandering that side of the N/W line. Any chance I get.
So today, after a few cups of morning espresso, the AstoriaGirls picked up Miss. Marble and headed down to Astoria Boulevard, which just so happens to be Jax’s old digs. JBrucks and I reminisced back to the summer of ’07, when we stumbled upon his halfway house on the way to Astoria Park. There he was. Takin' a smoke break on the stoop, catcalling the locals, and grumbling about some narc confiscating his bowl. One thing led to another, and before long we'd decided we'd be fools not to split our rent three ways. We slipped his parole officer a fiver, tossed Jaxie in with our Mexican takeout, and the rest is history. Ohh the memories. We’d just finished telling Miss Marble and Gwenny Deets the charming tale, when it dawned on us that no one had asked Stray Dan for directions. (http://www.bignyc.org/hoursaddressdirections) No worries, we thought. We’ll just head east on Astoria Boulie and hit it in no time. It’s a warehouse, right? Can't miss it. So onwards and Eastwards we went, stopping in at a few “antique” furniture depots not particularly worth mentioning, but I guess I just did anyway. At this point, we’d already gone well beyond 21st Street, and Miss. Marble began to fret that 4:30pm was drawing nigh…
Flashback: Earlier this morning, Janie B struck a shady deal with our Postman. She agreed to an illicit meeting at the post office at 4:30 to retrieve two packages she’d missed earlier in the week. And if you know anything about anything, you know that making a deal with a Postman is worse than making a deal with the devil. A Postman never rings twice and NEVER makes promises. Janie B was smart enough to realize she’d come across a once in a lifetime opportunity. You don’t turn down an offer like that. Not on a Saturday. Not after-hours. A Postman strikes you a deal, you be there. It’s like signing your soul away.
So here it is, nearly 3:45, we’ve passed 14th Street, and there’s not a warehouse to be found. In fact, there’s not much of anything. No cars. No people. Just a few plastic C-Town bags blowing in the breeze like little urban tumbleweeds. Onwards and Eastwards we go, until GwennyDee spies what appears to be a homeless colony camped out in mesh wire enclosure. Miss. Marble’s hackles go up. And then WHAM. We’re in it.
You know what I’m talking about.
When you’re walking, just sorta singsonging along, and you cross the street and all of sudden you just know. Instinctual-like. All the buildings start looking the same, people are yelling things like My, aren’t you scrumptious!, and that magnetic arrow on your interior compass starts pulling you around, sending you back from whence you came. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. You could have grown up in the podunkiest town in that state beginning with M, but you know exactly where you are. 3:57. We see the River but no warehouse. I'm lovin' it.
Now I’ll be d*amned if the AstoriaGirls walked all that way down Astoria Boulevard, only to show up empty-handed when we face Il Postino and his host of incubi. But the magnetic pull’s got a hold of Miss. Marble and we’re already backtracking past the homeless colony. Only it’s not a homeless colony. And it’s not a padlocked enclosure either, but a small public park, and, lo and behold, the homeless people are actually gardeners. It's kismet! We march right up and ask for directions, and one gardener tells us to take a right and then a left, and then another right and then a left. Now usually, when someone tells you to "take a right and then a left, and then another right and then a left", it’s New York speak for eff off you effing tourist, and stop standing in the middle of the sidewalk. But we AstoriaGirls had an inkling that this homeless gardener might actually be on to something. So we took a right and then a left, and then a right and BINGO. Gwenny Deets spotted this sign shimmering like a beacon in the distance…
So we enter, and behold! Enough building materials to create a brand new Astoria from the ground up. It’s like a giant erector set, but for grownups who know how to hammer for realsies. I’m talking walls upon walls of doors, windows, kitchen cabinetry, clawfoot tubs, a ceramic rainbow of toilets and tiles, plumbing, furniture, lamps, diner booths, arcade games, laboratory equipment, microscopes, bins brimming with electronics, roller coaster tracks, and just about anything you’d need to build your own theme park. And it’s cheap, man. With the way real estate prices are going, you’re better off buying a start-up kit at Build It Green! and assembling it all in a back alley somewhere. Not only that, but the place was loaded with happy, shiny eye-candy; the sensitive, environmentally-friendly kind, only rugged and more musclebound.
We AstoriaGirls found a little something to take home with each of us. Vintage glasses went for 50 cents a pop, and I picked up two 1960's valises for $15. (Been dying to construct a suitcase bookshelf for ages. To make your own go to: http://readymademag.com/printarchive/article?id=900) JBS picked up a few chemist's flasks to use as itty bitty vases for single blooms, and Gwenny Deets got the digits to some stud rockin' a pair o' buddy holly glasses. All in all, the day was a success, and we've added another landmark to the AstoriaGirl Map.
So cha-check it out. Until the next adventure...
- WILLA K
